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 my_empty_cradle - (jennyburnett)
02:38pm 09/09/2007
Jennifer posting in pregnancy loss
i don't know what exactly to say.
over the last week i have been feeling a mixture of rage and sadness. i've been trying to push those feelings deep down. but haven't had much luck. just a few hours ago i had a "temper tantrum." i crawled into bed & felt like crying. one of the dogs barked at someone passing by and i just snapped. i yelled at the dog and after the dog left the room, i threw the contents of my nightstand around the room. i buried my face into my pillow and screamed. after that i cried. no, i sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. too many bottled up emotions i guess.

no one around me understands. i tried to tell my husband. he thinks its a simple matter of not dwelling on what was lost. but its hard. i get reminders all the time. diaper coupons in the mail, hearing about people i know having their babies. seeing the baby items we got around the house. and this lady who works at the hospital in a different position, well she's just a few weeks further along than i was. just seeing her rub her very round belly is making me jealous and sad. i can't help but fucking dwell on where i would be. what would be happening.

i never dealt with these emotions back in june. why surface now? and why am i so angry? i'm bitter and bitchy. i feel alone too. why doesn't anyone else understand why i feel this way? hell maybe i am messed up. maybe i am dwelling too much these days. i just don't know how to stop it.
mood: angryangry
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(no subject)
11:05pm 09/09/2007 (UTC)
I thought after my second miscarriage that I was handling it fairly well but then out of nowhere the horrible feelings just came flooding in. Yours are probably just starting now even though it has been a few months. I have been told that it can take years to heal from this. Next month will mark a year since my first miscarriage and six months from my secind both within two days of each other and I am dreading it. It is hard to receive those diaper coupons and see anyone that is close to the due date. I could tell you the usual talk to someone or find a support group thing but in my opinion that has been oversaid to me and probably to you too. Have you thought about just getting away like maybe a vacation if you can afford it? I wish I knew the right thing to say but I can tell you I know what you are feeling. (((HUGS)))
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